my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
