so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
