Buhtt sex?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
