i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
