I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize