sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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