I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
