I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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