once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize