so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
