Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
