Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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