I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
