I'm so fucking centered right now
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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