i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
