He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My vagina is officially offended.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
