I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize