Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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