About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
