my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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