just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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