Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
