your thong is hanging out like whoa
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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