I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
