What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
