Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
