I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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