isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dignity is for republicans.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
