i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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