You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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