I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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