you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
