Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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