I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
