Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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