I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
