I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
