someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
