I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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