I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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