You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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