There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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