Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
