Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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