she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
