I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
