I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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