idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
