I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
