There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
