Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
