I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
