and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
