the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
