you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
