i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
