Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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