I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
