covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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