sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
