I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
