White coat. Heels.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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