I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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