she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
