Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Randomize
