you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
