I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
