you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
