i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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