Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
